I walked around the corner of the barn and standing there was a man I didn’t recognize at first but when we spoke it all came back. “How long has it been?” he asked. Trying to find some point of reference on the timeline of my youth, I hesitated and said “it’s been 30 years if it’s been a day.” The voice behind the beard was familiar, not in tone but the cadence and his dialect were unmistakable.
“I’ll be damned, how ya been Marvin?” My shoulders got tense before the words even made it to his ears. He smiled and stuck his hand out. My visceral reaction to my choice of words was noticeable as we shook hands. Ya see, Marvin is an Amish man of the old order. Well, he’s a man now, when we knew each other before, we were both boys. Back in southern Indiana, our dads were friends and they would spend time (an entire day or even a weekend) working elaborate horse trades. There were times I would take a team of horses to their place and stay for a few days to work out some issue we were having with a young horse or when dad wanted to showcase a pulling prospect.
Whatever the circumstances that took me into the Amish settlement, I knew Marvin and I would have a good time. He may or may not have had “English clothes” stashed in the barn that he’d wear to town while we were supposedly coon hunting.
I give you a little of the backstory to convey that we have history. Marvin was in Iowa visiting some relatives in the area and had sent word last week that he’d be here and invited me to dinner at a church elders home. There were 30 amish adults, give or take, and a slew of kids in attendance and the meal went as follows;
The main floor of the house was basically one large room with a hardwood floor, nothing hung on the white walls and a mismatch offering of chairs on the perimeter of the room surrounding a large dining room table illuminated by kerosene lanterns hung from the ceiling that was being loaded with food prepared by the wives of all the amish men. Did I mention that I was the only Englishmen in the place? The men ate first followed by the teenage boys and unmarried young men. The kids ate next and followed last by the women. The men gathered at one end of the room on couches and chairs while the women sat at the other end of the room and the kids floated amongst both groups.
It was the same as it was 30 years ago.
And that’s when it hit me. Nothing had changed, sure the roles were played by different people but the story was the same. The order we were served was the same, the topics of conversation hadn’t changed and the feel of the gathering was identical.
I can’t say that is true of any other interaction that I compare from my childhood to the present day, quite the opposite. Everything has changed. I don’t do anything the same way I did 30 years ago. The way I eat a meal( usually on the run these days), the things I think and talk about, down to the very people I talk to. I’ve never been the “lifelong friend” kinda guy.
But that dinner made me miss the good old days.
There was an order to things and a respect for the previous generation that was obvious, When the elders spoke they had the attention of the entire room. There were simpler and more meaningful conversations all around. No talk of a pandemic or of politics, no topics that were divisive and everyone was engaged in the conversations, everyone was present.
The children played games, there were no cell phones or tablets or iPads . Don’t be fooled though, phones exist in the Amish community. A landline can often be found in a small outbuilding near the home and a good number of them have cell phones. But they are a tool, a functional means to an end. Remember that most every adult man in that room was a small business owner. Some work as carpenters or concrete men, cabinetmakers or bricklayers, farmers, small engine sales, horse trainers or dog breeders and to be able to run their businesses they must be able to communicate with the outside world.
The experience made me remember a simpler time in my life. I remembered the reality of a teenage boy who’s world wasn’t so noisy and full of deadlines and distractions. Then I remembered all that noise and those distractions are the result of choices made. I’m in a place in my life where I want to understand “why” and am working to “evolve”. I’ve been focused on growth and refining/honing skills and finding meaning in the things I do. Perhaps I should spend equal time looking in the other direction too and DE-volve back to a simpler mindset. Holding on to the simple things that require no refinement or manipulation. Good people enjoying a 3 hour supper with, at least in that moment, not an outside care in the world. Order, respect, fellowship, tradition, laughter and the best homemade strawberry ice cream I ever had.
As I left dinner that night, with a full belly and a happy heart, I was sure of two things. ( 1) My amish friend, with all his primitive ways, is an excellent example of how to live in this modern world.
(2) I ain’t wait’n another 30 years for another dish of that strawberry ice cream.