That Guy: Part II

I wonder sometimes if I’m really maturing with age or if age is forcing maturity. It’s no secret that I was a bit of a hothead in my younger years. My approach was simple, keep my head down, walk straight into it, take a few shots to the head on my way in but if I can weather the storm and get inside, I got you. At some point my philosophy changed, I say I “grew up” or “matured” or if I want to sound real heady I say I “evolved”. Which might very well be true, but it’s equally plausible that I’ve done some internal assessment and have come to the conclusion that I can’t take that kind of punishment anymore. Not wanting to admit my limitations, at least not out loud anyway, I present the change in my approach as growth.

Let me say it in a different way. If someone would have sat me down and explained to me at 20 years old what I now know at 47, would I have heeded their advice? I think it might have shortened my learning curve but in the end the answer is ultimately, NO. I’ve done a lot of things in my life simply because I could. Back then I could go longer, work harder, sleep less and I wore the scars and the calluses and the sleep deprived look in my eyes as a badge of honor.

So, regardless of how I came to be in my current state of enlightenment, why voluntarily step into this arena? It’s 100% self-inflicted. The long days, short nights, the expense, the low back pain, the stress, it's all of my own doing. We didn’t need to sell our current house and we didn’t have to commit to building a house in 90 days. So why?

The public answer- To capitalize on the current real estate market and recognize an otherwise unrealistic return on our investment.

The “when I’m laying in bed in the dark and it’s just me and the truth” answer- Because at some point I won’t be able to.

I’ve never known anyone to build a house from start to finish in 3 months only working evenings and weekends. I’ll tell that story for years. And if someone sat me down and told me all the pitfalls and hardships I was signing up for I’d have still done it.

Now, here’s where it gets a little confusing for me and the real reason I’m writing twice in the same week.

A year ago Becky and I bought a house to flip. Something we do opportunistically when a property presents itself. The difference this time was we partnered with a young friend of ours, a former student of mine who showed both ability and interest in making a career for himself as a contractor. Things went well initially but at some point I felt he wasn’t pulling his weight equally and I ended the partnership. This obviously caused some hard feelings and things were strained for a few months. Our paths have crossed again and we are civil if not friendly towards each other.

I want to have a sit down with him and clear the air. Own my part (allowing the inequality to happen and not communicating clearly, earlier and for having the emotional response I had) and allow him the opportunity to speak his mind.

I want this so we can mend fences and have balance with each other, no awkward exchange of pleasantries.

Here are my concerns: (1) I in my early twenties wouldn’t have been receptive to such a conversation and if it goes badly we lose whatever ground we’ve gained. (2) It bothers me, that it bothers me. My standard operating procedure has always been to simply “flip the switch”. I’ve never been a second chance kinda guy.

And honestly I don’t know if I want it more for him or for me. I know I hurt him or at least his pride. We have 8 years of history from student/teacher to employee/boss and then as partners/equals.

Perhaps it’s best to just leave it where it lies and accept the fact that despite my best intentions I’m gonna be “that guy” to him.

Before and after of last years flip house