What you choose to see

The end of week 5 has the house ready for the electrical inspection, which happens at 3:00 pm today. Think about what I just said. Five weeks, (35 days ago) there was only waist high prairie grass on our property. Today there is a 1144 sq/ft house, which, from the road, looks complete. The exterior is finished and the interior is framed, wired and plumbing is roughed-in. We have even managed to make some headway converting a portion on the barn into my shop.

So can someone please explain to me why exactly I had a meltdown midweek feeling like I was behind schedule? There was a very tense moment on Wednesday evening while installing can lights that resulted in a sudden and very violent altercation. Blows were struck and blood was drawn. There was yelling, Becky tried to intervene but to no avail. I had reached my breaking point and someone was going to incur my wrath! When the dust settled, I emerged from the house victorious and my foe lay beaten and broken. I left him in the corner to (1) reconsider the life choices that lead him to such a violent end (2) serve as a warning to his 16 friends who could choose to cooperate or meet a similar fate.

I’m not proud of what I did, but, for the record, the other 16 can lights were installed without incident.

Becky was disappointed and somewhat shocked by my actions. She urged me to walk away,” Just come home, Honey. It will look different tomorrow.”

“NO it won’t! I HAVE TO keep moving. I’ll be home when I’m done.” At different points in the evening I was visited by both Becky’s Mom and Wyatt. Both wanted to know if they could do anything for me. After all it was 16 against 1 and some backup would have been nice but at this point it’s personal and I’m going to finish (without help from anyone). When I did get home (3 hours later) the post game speech wasn’t great. I’m pretty sure I heard the words “little girl fit” and “dramatic” in her assessment of the evenings events. She wasn’t wrong, but why? Why at 32 days into the build, and planning to hang drywall the following weekend, was I convinced I was behind schedule?

To answer that question, I want you to first answer this one. Look at the picture below and tell me what you see.

I took this picture on my way to work and sent it to a colleague with a snarky caption about being in danger of missing an early morning meeting because of road construction. Her response was, and I quote ”Beautiful sunrise though”. I literally had to look at the picture again to see it.

If you’re keeping score, that makes twice in the same week that I chose to see the negative in a situation and both times I missed the beauty that was surrounding me. The internal dialogue this week has been a little rough. So I’ve decided to send every conversation I have with myself through the following filters;

(1)- would I allow someone to talk to my wife or daughter the way I’m talking to myself

● I need to talk to myself like I talk to people I love

(2)- It‘s always a choice

● People don’t make mistakes, they make choices. Some are far better than others but they are all choices . In every moment, you choose how to react. I chose to see the traffic jam and not the sun rise. I chose to focus on what wasn’t done instead of seeing the amazing progress we’ve made in 35 days.

I’m a realist. I know they won’t all be great days, but it just feels better to be happy. I’m learning- one can light at a time.